ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
They say it's bound to fail
Like I'm loving chainmail
But I surely affirm
That they are wrong
I want to kiss you like a song
Her perfume makes me smile
It's found in the mechanic aisle
Although I haven't known you long
I want to kiss you like a song
Some think it's rude
But Asimov would approve
She'll party dusk to dawn
I want to kiss you like a song
Like I'm loving chainmail
But I surely affirm
That they are wrong
I want to kiss you like a song
Her perfume makes me smile
It's found in the mechanic aisle
Although I haven't known you long
I want to kiss you like a song
Some think it's rude
But Asimov would approve
She'll party dusk to dawn
I want to kiss you like a song
The love of a man and his robot 
This little ditty was penned for a contest by 
found here: [link]
All forms of media accepted with one caveat: They MUST include this line:
Either as the title or as a line in the piece itself.
Here is some mood music to follow the theme of my entry: [link] 
All Rights Reserved. 2013.
Comments appreciated!
This little ditty was penned for a contest by found here: [link] All forms of media accepted with one caveat: They MUST include this line:- I want to kiss you like a song
Either as the title or as a line in the piece itself. Here is some mood music to follow the theme of my entry: [link] All Rights Reserved. 2013.Comments appreciated! © 2013 - 2024 Blacksand459
Comments6
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
This is lovely, good flow and well chosen words. The only thing I found was that the following lines feel a little bit "off" in terms of rhythm:
They say it's bound to fail
Like I'm loving chainmail
But I surely affirm
That they are wrong
The rhyme is good, but it just doesn't quite sound right. I think it might be because it's equal in syllable count to the first line, whereas your other lines vary? It could just be personal preference, too, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
This really is adorable, though, it sorta reminds me of Bicentennial Man.
They say it's bound to fail
Like I'm loving chainmail
But I surely affirm
That they are wrong
The rhyme is good, but it just doesn't quite sound right. I think it might be because it's equal in syllable count to the first line, whereas your other lines vary? It could just be personal preference, too, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
This really is adorable, though, it sorta reminds me of Bicentennial Man.