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Literature Text
America was the home of The Dream...
Which yonder copper Lady stands for
At the gates of a free land.
Beckoning to a world in disrepair
Come to me, ye heavy laden
Come and pursue Life, Liberty and
Happiness.
America was these things
Once.
Once the neatly manicured lawns
of this Nation's WWII heroes
stood as a symbol of prosperity
and unity of spirit and purpose
gathered together
in One Nation Under God.
America was exactly that...
Once.
At one time, massive steel mills in Indiana
and Pennsylvania turned out the steel that
won the War...built the iconic '57 Chevy Bel-Air,
and the ubiquitous Maytag washer and dryer.
Nothing Ran Like A Deere in our fields of golden grain,
Redwings carried the feet of millions to work,
and Chrysler was the underdog auto company that
was rescued by the son of Italian immigrants...
only for our government to stand by and let her be
corporately raped and pillaged by Daimler-Benz,
several decades later.
America was an industrial powerhouse...
Once.
Schools taught the ONLY truth...that there once was a biblical Flood,
that mankind was created by Almighty God, along with the Universe
in only 6 days, and in full, complete, working order.
Marriage was honored, divorce was shunned...the family was the pinnacle
of society...
Women could be stay at home mothers, and our neighborhoods were
congenial...when your folks referred to the neighbors as "The..."
The Robertsons, The 'O Briens...
Up and down the streets of America, the evening call went out:
Kids! Come in for supper!
America was the home of the traditional family...
Once.
There was a time when barber poles were a common sight,
part of a ritual in a young boy's life. At around 4 or 5 years old,
I was brought to the local barbershop. The old fashioned leather
and chrome chairs in a row. A line of dignified men, some with dark
tattoos on their forearms and a Marlboro or a pipe between their lips,
stood casually as they waited for the next customer. I always came with grandpa
and this was definitely the first exposure to the world of men.
The smells of aftershave, the snick-snick of the scissors and the rumbles
of conversation and occasional laughter...and then a Dum-Dum lollipop afterwards.
I wore my flat-top with real pride, just like my grandad and his friends did.
America was the land of honorable men, handing down a legacy of
hard work, good-natured play and tradition to the next generation...
Once.
Hay rides at Halloween, taffy pulls at school, trekking to the biggest, meanest sledding hill in the county with your saucer or toboggan, bringing in cordwood for the potbelly stove at Christmas, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance before classes each morning, taking your hat off and holding your hand on your heart when they played the National Anthem at public events...
Sitting down with the folks to watch the evening news with trusted anchors like Tom Brokaw, Roger Mudd and Walter Cronkite. Glued to our sets each year when the Big Three Networks brought out the Peanuts holiday specials, the annual airing of The Wizard of Oz, and such weekly TV staples as Dukes of Hazzard, All In The Family and MASH.
Getting up on Saturday mornings to indulge in the weekly buffet of cartoons. Scooby-Doo, Smurfs, and Fat Albert, etc.
The point being that before instant gratification, there was an order of business, a routine to follow...things were special, news anchors were honorary members of our families, and we were happier, I dare say, without iPads, Internet and Twitter.
America knew the blessings of having a time and a season for everything under Heaven...
Once.
Which yonder copper Lady stands for
At the gates of a free land.
Beckoning to a world in disrepair
Come to me, ye heavy laden
Come and pursue Life, Liberty and
Happiness.
America was these things
Once.
Once the neatly manicured lawns
of this Nation's WWII heroes
stood as a symbol of prosperity
and unity of spirit and purpose
gathered together
in One Nation Under God.
America was exactly that...
Once.
At one time, massive steel mills in Indiana
and Pennsylvania turned out the steel that
won the War...built the iconic '57 Chevy Bel-Air,
and the ubiquitous Maytag washer and dryer.
Nothing Ran Like A Deere in our fields of golden grain,
Redwings carried the feet of millions to work,
and Chrysler was the underdog auto company that
was rescued by the son of Italian immigrants...
only for our government to stand by and let her be
corporately raped and pillaged by Daimler-Benz,
several decades later.
America was an industrial powerhouse...
Once.
Schools taught the ONLY truth...that there once was a biblical Flood,
that mankind was created by Almighty God, along with the Universe
in only 6 days, and in full, complete, working order.
Marriage was honored, divorce was shunned...the family was the pinnacle
of society...
Women could be stay at home mothers, and our neighborhoods were
congenial...when your folks referred to the neighbors as "The..."
The Robertsons, The 'O Briens...
Up and down the streets of America, the evening call went out:
Kids! Come in for supper!
America was the home of the traditional family...
Once.
There was a time when barber poles were a common sight,
part of a ritual in a young boy's life. At around 4 or 5 years old,
I was brought to the local barbershop. The old fashioned leather
and chrome chairs in a row. A line of dignified men, some with dark
tattoos on their forearms and a Marlboro or a pipe between their lips,
stood casually as they waited for the next customer. I always came with grandpa
and this was definitely the first exposure to the world of men.
The smells of aftershave, the snick-snick of the scissors and the rumbles
of conversation and occasional laughter...and then a Dum-Dum lollipop afterwards.
I wore my flat-top with real pride, just like my grandad and his friends did.
America was the land of honorable men, handing down a legacy of
hard work, good-natured play and tradition to the next generation...
Once.
Hay rides at Halloween, taffy pulls at school, trekking to the biggest, meanest sledding hill in the county with your saucer or toboggan, bringing in cordwood for the potbelly stove at Christmas, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance before classes each morning, taking your hat off and holding your hand on your heart when they played the National Anthem at public events...
Sitting down with the folks to watch the evening news with trusted anchors like Tom Brokaw, Roger Mudd and Walter Cronkite. Glued to our sets each year when the Big Three Networks brought out the Peanuts holiday specials, the annual airing of The Wizard of Oz, and such weekly TV staples as Dukes of Hazzard, All In The Family and MASH.
Getting up on Saturday mornings to indulge in the weekly buffet of cartoons. Scooby-Doo, Smurfs, and Fat Albert, etc.
The point being that before instant gratification, there was an order of business, a routine to follow...things were special, news anchors were honorary members of our families, and we were happier, I dare say, without iPads, Internet and Twitter.
America knew the blessings of having a time and a season for everything under Heaven...
Once.
Once upon a time we lived like this
Once upon a time America was structured
Long gone are the days of genteel evenings across the land
Strife, discord, anger and confusion take center stage
Perhaps I've oversimplified the issues
And perhaps...we've forgotten how to live.
Listened to this classic by The Little River Band: Reminiscing: [link]
DISCLAIMER: Lest anyone point out to me about the racial inequalities, women's rights or lack thereof, etc, let me remind YOU, that there was more good in those days than there is in 2013. We've shoved, buried and compromised God right out of everything...we approve of the wholesale slaughter of millions of babies in the name of sexual freedom, and we rape our own citizens by overzealous taxation and misrepresentation in the highest levels of government.
It's not mere nostalgia, it's a lament of a once mighty Nation, that while certainly not without flaws, professed a belief in ideals...that all Men are created equal, and that we are given inalienable rights by God...NOT government.
All Rights Reserved. Apr 29, 2013
Comments Appreciated
Once upon a time America was structured
Long gone are the days of genteel evenings across the land
Strife, discord, anger and confusion take center stage
Perhaps I've oversimplified the issues
And perhaps...we've forgotten how to live.
Listened to this classic by The Little River Band: Reminiscing: [link]
DISCLAIMER: Lest anyone point out to me about the racial inequalities, women's rights or lack thereof, etc, let me remind YOU, that there was more good in those days than there is in 2013. We've shoved, buried and compromised God right out of everything...we approve of the wholesale slaughter of millions of babies in the name of sexual freedom, and we rape our own citizens by overzealous taxation and misrepresentation in the highest levels of government.
It's not mere nostalgia, it's a lament of a once mighty Nation, that while certainly not without flaws, professed a belief in ideals...that all Men are created equal, and that we are given inalienable rights by God...NOT government.
All Rights Reserved. Apr 29, 2013
Comments Appreciated
© 2013 - 2024 Blacksand459
Comments5
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To be honest, I know that it’s going to be difficult for me to critique this without bias. I say this, because this poem has been done a million times over. It isn’t that it cannot be done but you have to have an insanely unique voice for it to work. As soon as I saw the title I thought of Ginsberg and I’m trying my hardest not to compare this to that poem, because that’s unfair to you. Regardless, I will do my best to give you the most helpful feedback possible. I will be pointing out what I believe are the flaws of the poem, how you may want to go about “fixing” them, and then discussing what parts are amazing (There are definitely incredible parts in here).
First, the sections in-between stanzas have to go. I don’t say that because they’re untrue, I say it because they’re unnecessary. Every time you have an “America ______ once” stanza, you’ve inferred it or are about to. These parts feel like you’re trying to hold the reader’s hand because they won't get it.
What bothers me about this poem isn’t that I don’t agree with you (even though I don’t). The problem is I don’t know exactly what you’re saying. I read your description and it seems like a subject you’re very passionate about. However, this poem isn’t concise or to the point. You beat around the bush a lot and make arguments I don’t quite understand. For example:
The stanza about the well-manicured lawns and the stay at home mothers. Is this section saying that the American Dream and the legacy of “Keeping up with the Jones’” is one to be proud of? If so, I would like to see this emphasized more. As is, it’s far too subtle.
Also, your argument about God vs. Government doesn’t shine through well enough in the poem. This may be because of the line about Chrysler. The Chrysler situation sounds like the burden of the free-market (which is about as anti-government) as you get. I’m not well-versed in THAT particular event, but if it is not the case that the government in fact sat back, rather than imposed regulations, then you need to clear this up to readers. Otherwise, the government sitting back is what you’re arguing AGAINST here.
Also, another minor thing, instant gratification is nothing new. We’ve been instantly gratified by drugs, writing, sex, etc. for…ever.
I believe what you COULD do to make this poem work better (aside from fix these small issues) would be to make the poem read more like prose. The section about the barber shop and the haystack rides are fucking phenomenal. You use detail, imagery, and they SHOW what you want to say rather than preach it. This technique could be used through the poem even if you don’t feel like switching structures.
You have a foundation here that could become a modern day poem that a lot of people would agree with. However, sloppy wording and vague ideas are halting that progress at this point. If this was not helpful, please let me know so I can offer more advice/help.
First, the sections in-between stanzas have to go. I don’t say that because they’re untrue, I say it because they’re unnecessary. Every time you have an “America ______ once” stanza, you’ve inferred it or are about to. These parts feel like you’re trying to hold the reader’s hand because they won't get it.
What bothers me about this poem isn’t that I don’t agree with you (even though I don’t). The problem is I don’t know exactly what you’re saying. I read your description and it seems like a subject you’re very passionate about. However, this poem isn’t concise or to the point. You beat around the bush a lot and make arguments I don’t quite understand. For example:
The stanza about the well-manicured lawns and the stay at home mothers. Is this section saying that the American Dream and the legacy of “Keeping up with the Jones’” is one to be proud of? If so, I would like to see this emphasized more. As is, it’s far too subtle.
Also, your argument about God vs. Government doesn’t shine through well enough in the poem. This may be because of the line about Chrysler. The Chrysler situation sounds like the burden of the free-market (which is about as anti-government) as you get. I’m not well-versed in THAT particular event, but if it is not the case that the government in fact sat back, rather than imposed regulations, then you need to clear this up to readers. Otherwise, the government sitting back is what you’re arguing AGAINST here.
Also, another minor thing, instant gratification is nothing new. We’ve been instantly gratified by drugs, writing, sex, etc. for…ever.
I believe what you COULD do to make this poem work better (aside from fix these small issues) would be to make the poem read more like prose. The section about the barber shop and the haystack rides are fucking phenomenal. You use detail, imagery, and they SHOW what you want to say rather than preach it. This technique could be used through the poem even if you don’t feel like switching structures.
You have a foundation here that could become a modern day poem that a lot of people would agree with. However, sloppy wording and vague ideas are halting that progress at this point. If this was not helpful, please let me know so I can offer more advice/help.